barry us bonds and the chinese gold medal herbal mix / by Warrior Ant Press Worldwide Anthill Headquarters in Kansas City, Missouri, USA.

Spring training will soon be getting underway to alleviate the sufferings of our sports-addicted nation and with it, so will Barry US Bonds' perjury trial, set to begin March 1st. The timing couldn't be better for star-crazed fans as the Oscar shenanigans will have just ended and the celebrity culture will be looking for a new face to shine its bright light upon. Expect shots of Barry, a natty dresser with attitude, looking grim in Armani as he enters the court room. Bonds, who made almost as many enemies as he did fans during his playing years runs the risk of becoming the next Pete Rose - that of the greatest player of his generation who isn't in the Hall of Fame. The much blacker Bonds however, is much more likely to find himself behind bars, because in this country black men all too frequently have 3 options: 1) President (currently occupied); 2) play sports (Bonds is retired); or 3) prison.

Speaking of prison, some sheriff in South Carolina wants to send Michael Phelps to jail for taking a bong hit. Surely the county prosecutor has told Sheriff B. Fife that a picture of someone smoking a bong doesn't necessarily mean it was filled with marijuana, thus making conviction difficult. In Phelps' case, for example, it could have been filled with a special mix of Chinese herbs known affectionately as the Gold Medal Mix.

More importantly it would seem that perhaps Phelps illustrates that it's possible to win 8 Gold Medals (if you count all his Olymic and World Championships he has won 40 Gold medals) and still smoke a little reefer. Instead of using Phelps as an argument for more imprisonment in the land-of-the-free AND the criminal, perhaps we can use this to come to terms with the fact that there is no reason, other than our puritanical views, to not legalize this substance.